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KID'S ADVICE TO KIDS "Never trust a dog to watch
your food."
"When your dad is mad and asks
you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer."
"Never tell your mom her diet's
not working."
"Don't pull Dad's finger when
he tells you to."
"When your mom is mad at your
dad, don't let her brush your hair."
"Never let your three-year
old brother in the same room as your school assignment."
"A puppy always has bad breath
-- even after eating a Tic-Tac."
"Never hold a Dustbuster and
a cat at the same time."
"You can't hide a piece of
broccoli in a glass of milk."
"Don't wear polka-dot underwear
under white shorts."
"If you want a kitten, start
out by asking for a horse."
"Felt-tip markers are not good
to use as lipstick."
"Don't pick on your sister
when she's holding a baseball bat."
"When you get a bad grade in
school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone."
"Never try to baptize a cat."
"Stay away from prunes."
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE "No one
is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you
smell ...That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
"I think
you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of
it isn't supposed to be so painful."
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE "Like
an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
"If falling
in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it.
It takes too long."
ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE "If you
want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't
hurt to be beautiful."
"It isn't
always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I
haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE? "Mooshy
... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly
as much."
"When
a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't
get up for at least an hour."
"All
of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the
dark."
CONCERNING WHY PEOPLE IN LOVE OFTEN HOLD HANDS "They
want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money
for them."
"They
are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday
and do the holy matchimony thing."
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE "I'm
in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television."
"Love
is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime."
"Yesterday
I kissed a girl in a private place.....We were behind a tree."
"Love
will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've been trying
to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
"I'm
not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU "Tell
them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
"Shake
your hips and hope for the best."
"Yell
out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't worry if
their parents are right there."
"Don't
do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but
attention ain't the same thing as love."
WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE? "You
should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring
and her own VCR,
"Never
kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody
sees you....If nobody sees you,
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?? "It's
better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean
up after them"
"It gives
me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that
kind of trouble."
HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? "You
flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try
the next one."
"My mother
says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find
somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
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